Philosophical Parenting: Dealing with Toddler Tantrums
Philosophical Parenting: Dealing with Toddler Tantrums
“As a non spanking parent, what do you do with your toddler if he won’t leave the playground when it’s time to go? I’ve tried telling him I’m going and he’s going to be left alone and I hide so he doesn’t see me, but he doesn’t care.”
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Your daughter is learning about Alison Gopnik’s work at age 3. That’s.. humbling.
You’re so, so wrong. He is telling her the truth from the very begining, that means she is ahead around 20-30 years in comparison to her statist educated peers. Watch some parents – it’s despicable: don’t do that because santa won’t give you a present, or you will be taken away by ugly man (it’s literal and very common). She will see the reality as it is, not as it is being shown by parents school church. That’s hardly a handicap 😀
Damn good explanation
Teaching kids to reason is sooo important. when my daughter was very young, i challenged her to give reasons for the things she wanted, today at 8 years old, the girl is so dang smart. My son was very different, he has to work through his feelings before he can reason, I have to appeal to his empathy then he can understand reason, very great 6 year old! my 4 year old, has a rapid fire mind, i have to get him to stop and think, to be sure he assimilates the info, he is quite the very happy clown!
You sound like my dad. <<< and that’s the highest compliment.
It’s what he said man, you cut bread into strips, dip into egg mixture, than toast that bad boy…. I think.
You can if you’re a good parent
It’s called Dippy Egg and Soldiers
What?? My kid is 15 now, and has, in fact, faced bullies more than once. He handled himself well, took charge of the situation, in fact, without violence.
Do you suggest reasoning with a screaming toddler? Ha! Good luck with that. Hasn’t anyone ever heard of the maxim "milk before meat"?
Treat your children like human beings and they will always astound you with there knowledge and insight.They will always return your love and all the qualities that you hold close.
Reflect thoughts and feelings – "you want to stay at the park – you don’t want to leave now – you want to stay and play some more – you are sad that we are going home now"
I’ve never said that he was doing the wrong thing raising her daughter in a peaceful way and that is something that we all should do to create a better future.
I just would like to know if he has any ideas and how the adaptation will be, since the cases that I know are going from violence to peaceful interaction. In this case she will have the peaceful and will not change to violence but will need to cope with that people. Not the same thing as saying hit your daughter.
Nonviolent children are the most adapted to any society. It is a fallacy that children need to be beaten to toughen them up and prepare them for adulthood. Stefan has addressed this in other videos.
You say it takes a prolonged period of training to establish these responses. What do you do in the meantime? Even if you start the training at birth, there will be some period of time before the training has taken and the response to promises is as desired. What do you do in that meantime?
At around 10 minutes in you say that the child may fuss and fight and reject the promise. You claim that the child will, when faced with the promise, fall into line. What happens when they don’t? You describe making vague statements about future behaviour, but how does that address the immediate need? And why does the child care that you won’t want to go to the park in the future when they have no theory of mind and don’t even acknowledge your own independent desires?
Similarly, when you say that you do not let the child in the kitchen when you have boiling pans and similar, how do you enforce this without constraining the child’s freedom of movement?
It really sounds like a real pile of work to raise a child with integrity. I can see why so many parents take shortcuts!
::facepalm::
I don’t know – I have 3 kids and it works really well for young children – I don’t think they see themselves as a separate identity at that age anyway – and it’s very simple for them to understand – without all the complex language (I think that you think that I think that we should blar blar blar….) – it get’s to the point. Young children don’t know the name of what they feel until someone else gives them words to describe it.
Awesome Stef..
Shared
I was spanked several times as a child, but it was when I broke safety rules. If I ran in the street it was automatic. My parents now debate that decision they made. I cant possibly understand someone spanking their child in an emotionally charged exchange though.
Surely there must be people who were not beaten as children who grow up to be statists.
Children are irrational by nature. All the preparation in the world will not ensure that you will not have to deal with a tantrum. I think the gentleman asked what you can do to diffuse a tantrum not avoid one. To assume he doesnt have this knowledge of preparation is a little ignorant and quite arrogant imo. 11 mins in and you still have not answered his question…
Negotiations are fine to some extent, but a small child does have to learn the basic lesson when mom or dad says its time to go its time to go, period.
will you be my dad stef, pleaase
Brilliant video. Very helpful. Thank you
Wouldn’t that be like thinking for the child, though? Maybe if you tagged ‘I understand that…’ on to it which shows that that’s what you’re getting from their words and behavior rather than telling them that this and this is what they’re thinking and feeling.
It’s nice to see someone remind people that children are thinking, feeling, individuals. Each child has their own wants and needs. Their own talents and weaknesses. Endowed with the life skills that we as parents impart. We should treat our children as we would want to be treated. Give your child respect, kindness, courtesy, attentiveness and all those other things that we expect from others, and most of all patience, patience, patience. We all know that people don’t change overnight.
I love the child raising videos. I’m 20 years old now and I’m looking to gather good ideas about peaceful parenting. Great stuff!
You can, with a 1.5 year old already. Not always works for me, and you have to do it a bit differently, but you can.
I love the last part of your response. Just keep loving. Thanks for the kind words.
Eggy Toast … STEFBOT WE DEMAND A COOKING VLOG!
I don’t really see a problem with a mild spanking for defiant behavior. For lessor offenses use things like time outs. I also am good with proactive parenting like what the speaker is talking about, but you can’t baby proof the world so you have to allow for some realism to. If you don’t want to spank the kid that isn’t willing to leave, if he/she is small pick him up and carry him off, simple.
My son is turning 1 next month and I am really looking forward to these more "difficult" situations, things have been very smooth(and voluntary of course) until now…I watch all of your videos but the ones about parenting are always my favorite.
Two sides to this coin. Do not provoke your children to wrath – train your child.
I’m sorry, children need to trained like a dog before they can be reasoned with.
I feel sorry for you if you really think that respect includes fear.
Stefan,
You can prepare all you want but you cannot predict all that life will throw at you or your child.
you like Homer- yellow and bold
stef: how are you going to deal with the fact that she will not be adapt to live in the society that we have today?? She will be ready to live in a better society and ready to create that society BUT how is she going to deal with the reality that she will have to face in 12 years. You what you are doing is great and you should keep it up but when are you going to explain to her that MOUST of the people do not have the same set of rules.
"Are children people?" 😀
I’m definitely not a parent, but it’s still interesting to hear about how to make a kid listen to you while still being fair so you can reflect on how toddlers thinks
I agree I try really hard to keep my promises with my son ! I do it because I want him to learn to keep his promises as best as he can in the future. I will try the play ground strategy! I can use a timer.
Great vid Stef
I really really wished my parents tried explaining things to me, especially when in some child hoods even into adult hood we still don’t think we did anything wrong to deserve the punishment.
hehe, im doing it too, and it works quite well!!
Lol, to say that children that are not spanked are the most adapted to any society is completely unfounded.
Spanking is required for all kids. Part of respect is being able to have a healthy fear. Fear of timeout is BS.
However, I do enforce what I call WATS. Warning, Timeout, Spanking. 99% of the time it does not go to spanking, but the child has to know that there are repercussions for their actions.
What if they say "NO DEAL!"?
I think it is soft-boiled egg, that is placed in an egg holder, and then you cut the top off and dip strips of bread and/or toast into the yolk. I used to have it all the time when I was a child =p.
Stef, you sick mo fo. Are you still telling kids to cooperate with and obey the state?
Just had an AHA moment! Shoot! My toddler is 21 months is it to late to start?
"ftang ftang oelay biscuit barrel"
Wow Stef.
Your analogies have reached a whole new level.
🙂
Good vid Stefan. When one parents with the intention of being a child’s partner the dynamic completely changes. Re: OP: How would you deal with your best friend wanting to stay when you wanted to leave? Negotiate, compromise…maybe persuade with something even more exciting. Coercion is the easiest and lousiest tool in the parenting toolbox.