How to Become a Better Parent | Dr. Shefali on Impact Theory
How to Become a Better Parent | Dr. Shefali on Impact Theory
Dr. Shefali has sparked a parenting revolution. Learn from the woman challenging everything we know about parenting in this transformational episode of Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu.
PULLED QUOTES
“The beauty of life is that there is no line in stone, most of it is in sand.” [9:38]
“Life is this eternal dance between the knowing and the not knowing. Between the possessing and the complete non-possession. Between the doing and the non-doing.” [9:45]
“Pain is the greatest teacher.” [20:30]
“It’s narcissistic to think that we can raise another being when we haven’t raised ourselves.” [41:54]
“When you pursue anything that means you don’t have it already. So when you don’t have something already, you’re in lack. You cannot pursue abundance from lack. [47:17]
SHOW NOTES
Tom and Dr. Shefali dive into the meaning of conscious parenting. [2:31]
Dr. Shefali explains how conditioning obscures child development. [5:14]
Dr. Shefali talks about understanding boundaries and the psychology behind parenting. [9:17]
Dr. Shefali describes how parents perpetuate children creating a false sense of self. [15:20]
Dr. Shefali talks about recovering our truest self and allowing our children to suffer. [17:00]
Dr. Shefali expands on living in the present moment and being deeply connected with your child. [21:31]
Tom and Dr. Shefali discuss learning to be present and how to accept and work with what you have. [24:17]
Dr. Shefali shares how she uncovers authenticity through insight meditation. [31:12]
Dr. Shefali breaks down the power of embracing the impermanent now. [34:39]
Tom and Dr. Shefali expose parenting myths and the difference between attachment and high love. [35:41]
Dr. Shefali walks through the importance of being conscious of our limitations. [39:12]
Dr. Shefali addresses the transcendence of life and how to engage and align with the moment. [43:43]
Dr. Shefali reveals why happiness is a misnomer and pursuing happiness is a trap. [47:17]
Dr. Shefali defines the impact that she wants to have on the world. [49:32]
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
BOOKS
The Awakened Family: A Revolution in Parenting – http://amzn.to/2xseLBA [1:54]
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment – http://amzn.to/2vmGnKW [44:08]
PEOPLE
Eckhart Tolle – http://bit.ly/2wiWOFs [44:00]
FOLLOW DR. SHEFALI
TWITTER: http://bit.ly/2xGyeh6
INSTAGRAM: http://bit.ly/2xrdBWZ
FACEBOOK: http://bit.ly/2wX1hQt
WEBSITE: http://bit.ly/2xrVnoo
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Please watch: “How to Make Yourself Immune to Pain | David Goggins on Impact Theory”
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I bet her kids are Amazing.
I have 3 kids. And I can attest that you do have to know thyself before you can parent a child. We are vessel for them. They are there own individuals . I’m understanding this every day and I do take parenting classes and read parenting books, that’s a must.
C.S Lewis defined Love very well in his book "The Four Loves" https://amzn.to/2xGXllO
I think it is something many people should understand. Love, and the different types and levels.
Yep, can’t watch anymore. Threw up in my mouth a couple of times.
I don’t know if is because I grow up in a third world with strict parents but I’m trying to open my mind to new ideas but this concept sounds like too handoff and putting to much self control in a little brain without developing completely
Wow. Agreed in below comments fantastic interview. Great work
Why would 7 kids be the problem?
useless talk from useless lady , old wine in new bottle, i think she has been conditioned by successful and famous people indirectly to get famous by over reacting to some popular issue. First of al pl undrstand the difrence between animals and humans, god or any super power created us and animals with the difference. animal life is set by creator but humans life is defined by themselves but that defining themselves also by condittioning only, either by self conditioning by observation or conditioning by parents and scoeity. there is nothing wrong in that as long as a person behind you or motto behind that person who conditions is intelligent or wise. you are able to do this much whatver you call a gr8 knowledge ( as you call ) is also achivement bcos of your parents bhind you to do right and perfect choice. Let me see how will you bring up your kids. Talking is vry easy to bcome popular, talking stupidity spcial raises people eyebrows but what is imperative and practical for the world of today is common sense. You should be conscious to say conscius things, you ar drunk with idea of catching limelight so you put others into dark in the sense creating ignorance by confusing them. Hey all use common sense
@Tom You think you are good, but not that good, but you are SOOO much better than so many.
So many that will have several kids and not do them any good. So many that will beat them, or starve them, etc.
You, Tom, would do better.
I’m having so much trouble with my 15-year-old and I know it’s my fault and this was so amazing I love her message. I struggle so much with trying to forgive myself for her younger years and now I’m just trying to make up. These are awesome
This is one of my favorite Impact Theory episodes…and I’m not even a parent! Must share!
This info is soooo true… how many grown adults still trying to get over they childhood and how many never do smh
OMG thank ü
Amazing
Wow 👏
So cool thanks
I do not agree with everyone loves conditionally. I truly love my children for who they are and am excited to see them become adults.
Stay calm and listen. omgoodness… Children need consistency. They do what they see not what they are told… Yessss
when
u have yr first child.then u will realise though it is hard & responsible. we will be overjoyed by his smiles & actions😊💔
Does anyone know if this woman has kids of her own?? I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water but would have a hard time taking corrective criticism from someone who hasn’t raised children of their own.
I love this! Finally see so much answers to things I feel and go through
I was with her until she said: "the most conscious parent is a non-parent." And then she called him a "conscious parent" when he has no children. If you don’t have children, then you are not a parent. It went downhill from there so fast. Also, I don’t know where she pulled out the statistic that most parents have kids to complete their ego, but that was totally generalizing and completely her opinion. It’s "narcassistic to think you can raise someone if you haven’t raised themselves." Also, not the definition of narcassism. A parent’s instictual and natural job is to teach their offsrping how to survive in the world independently. You see this in nature all around is. It’s instinctual for living beings to reproduce, not narcisstic. It’s my opinion that she has developed her own certain reality and perspective surrounding parenting. I caution people to take the good advice she gives and separate from subscribing to her complete and total views about parenting.
i am reminded of the song by Paul Simon—"Feeling Groovy"
First off, she is so gorgeous, it’s hard to concentrate on the brilliance of her message. But OMG…everything she says is spot on.
This is life-changing. "Become attuned to their child while at their stage of development. You’re working with someone who is inherently malleable."
"Traditional parenting is control based, hierarchical, dogmatic and dominant"… So. True. And thus of no surprise that modern parenting becomes this cycle of perpetuating our own dysfunction and unresolved, unaddressed, UNCONSCIOUS issues.
I’ve read some of the comments where people’s mind snaps shut when she talks of people not having kids– she’s right. You SHOULD need a license to become a parent.
Too bad you don’t also need one to become President.
EXTRAORDINARYLY TRANSCENDENT!!!
To truly love another takes faculties we haven’t developed yet." Yes, yes, yes!!
It is not a parent’s job to love the child – it is the parent’s job to teach the child to love himself.
The end of altruism.
Does she have children?
This was fantastic 😭💜💜💜
Oh my God that is amazing deep
This is so insightful. As a first time parent I want to do as much as possible to raise my child in the best way. I just got her book on Audible and am excited to hear what Dr. Shefali has to say. I’ve already heard so much wisdom and depth so far, so can’t wait to learn more!
Im curious how future goals and past experiences fit into the "is now". I have been studying for many months current and past entrepreneurs. One of the many "opinions" they all share is the necessity of setting future goals, reasonable challenging goals. Not only for the achievement, but to quote Jim Rohn and his mentor, set goals for the person it will make of you to achieve them."
If I always live in now, when do I think about what I want in the future. Thinking about a stick because its in my hand doesn’t make it into a chair. If I always live in now, when do I contemplate the past to learn from my experiences, my failures and my successes.
Even more so how do you then "teach/lead" your children to set goals for themselves (even assuming those goals are not the parents). I understand that you should allow your children grow and the need room and encouragement to do so, but show me an undisciplined person or child and Ill show you an unsuccessful one and i dont mean success in terms of financial wealth i mean success in terms of a life that the person is happy with and that has been meaningful. At 29, I am not where I planned to be in life when i was 13 years old, but I am happy with my life and i have learned to not regret my experiences they made me who I am today and who i am now will impact who i am tomorrow. I think it was Ed Mylett on your show that said "you are perfect right now but next year you will be superior. Without a clear goal how do you become superior, without seeing into the future how do you get to it? Simon Sinek’s analogy about the chair in the middle of the room. If you tell someone to walk from one corner to the other and suddenly place a chair in their way they will go around, but tell them to go in a straight line to anywhere in the room place a chair in their way and they will stop abruptly. Pardon me if I am wrong but it seems as though Dr. Shefali’s message somewhat clashes with the purpose of impact theory. She seems to be preaching self-awareness but also then going with the flow of now to wherever it may lead. It seems like a recipe for disaster to me.
-Chris
Dr wakes you up listen people
I wish l can do a workshop with you,l truly need it , l am missing the process of raising my 3 kids,coz l am held back by stress,fear, anger..oh boy..l need to buy the book
Not agree..
Such a lovely and wise woman!! 💜
MY GOD I WAS LITERALLY HYPNOTIZED BY THIS! I LOVE IT, I FELT LIKE HEY THIS IS MY PARENTS AND MY CHILDHOOD AND INTO ADULTHOOD
I LOVE this talk!!!
To me, an undergraduate education is the basic guideline in the kids journey to discovering themselves.
Brilliant
I kept scrolling through your videos and kept dismissing this video because I didn’t think it would serve me in any way. I ended up watching it out of curiosity and I’m glad I did. It helped me see others for who they are and highest love them. thank you 🙏
Love this lady! She’s totally made me check myself on my own behavior as a parent.
I’m cringing listening to her..it’s tough to continue but I’m waiting for something I can relate to….. I can’t relate to her.
I completely agree about the going to sleep when the child is refusing. This just happened with my son (by the time they are refusing and fussing and crying, it is past their sleep time, aka they would have fallen asleep earlier without a problem but we as parents were out with them longer than expected or something else delayed the natural time when they wanted to fall asleep. The crying is saying it is past the sleep time and now im really tired.) So the way i got him to sleep is brought him home (we were at a restaurant and had to leave cuz he was getting physical, too frustrated,) and it was not by force, not saying, you have to go to sleep NOW! I was quiet, not saying much, but beckoning with my arms for him to come to me for a hug. It took about 15 minutes to create a connection, he came close enough to lean on me, then he leaned on my back, and i had the idea of giving him a piggy back ride. That worked like a charm cuz it opened him with humor and lightheartedness. He stopped crying and felt easier, so i felt that he was ready to lay down next to me, and it took another like 5 mins for him to fall asleep on me. Its totally different than locking him in his room and saying go to bed in your own bed. It was a tough slow beautiful connected dance
awesome!!!
I’m so happy I stumbled upon this particular interview. A lot of what I think parents should be like to their children is validated by this brilliant woman. I need to read her books. Thank you Tom
I wonder what her kids are like 🙂
Brilliant video & as a parent I relate to it a lot. But if you don’t have kids yet, don’t over think it, you can’t wait until you are ready, because you can never be.
I am Buddhist from birth and influence a lot from parents, but I truly started to appreciate my religion when I become a mother and in the 30’s. I also recently start experimenting on meditation and settle down with just simple breathing meditation. If anyone wants to try, Just follow your breath and feel the breath at the end of the nose when you inhale and exhale. When you get thoughts and you realised, come back to the breathing again. Don’t fight it. At the beginning of the process, I notice my mind wonder and I have to refocus every 5-6 seconds, then every 10 sec. now I can stay focus about 20 sec. But the beauty is how you feel afterwords. I feel i achive my 1st task of the day and i’m refreshed and happy and bubbly.
No one really loves another?!? Total crap
Dr. Shefali shed light into what I thought it was me going crazy. I didn’t want to "parent" my child and I felt like I was the one who needed to grow. And I found on her words the way into what my heart was already telling me. Thank you!